do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
