Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
