I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
