Non-Jews are for practice
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
