You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
