you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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