Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
