The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
