Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
