onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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