I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
