i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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