Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize