You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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