ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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