1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
