Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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