I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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