You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
