look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
