The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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