There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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