ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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