Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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