just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
