someone threw a dead crab at me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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