Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
