and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
third nipple confirmed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
