So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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