I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
