whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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