he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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