sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
