reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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