I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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