Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
