Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
