Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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