I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
