Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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