i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
