I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
