he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
