Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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