i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
