You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
