i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
