oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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