to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
