i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
