He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
