I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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