Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
