I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you have to choose: penises or morals?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
