i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize