Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
