Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
