Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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