No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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