I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize