her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
