so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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