What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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