Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
