But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
