YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
