she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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