a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
