She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Every concussion has its silver lining
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
