I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
