Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
