She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
