My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just had sex bonerless
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
