how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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