Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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