Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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