I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he fucked my hip out of place.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize