Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
