yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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