At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize