Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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