we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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