so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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