They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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