God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
