after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
