Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
