marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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